I'd be lying if I said I never did anything for instant gratification. Who doesn't love the idea of putting in a bit of working and seeing the results straightaway? I actually have a bad habit of treating almost every situation like I'm waiting for that immediate satisfaction.
One week at the gym—where are my abs? One month at a job—why isn't every single thing making sense? It's an unhealthy way to look at goals and is something that I definitely am aware of and working on.
However, if you are a true fan of the instant grats, let me show you to a path of joy that will allow you to work for a few hours, step back, and soak in everything you've done:
Back in college, I can remember friends and I picking out what our career paths would look like and how exciting it would be to have a proper title on LinkedIn. (For some reason, "Aspiring Photographer Currently a Student" never had the right ring to it.)
In my mind, I always felt like I was racing colleges and friends to some sort of magical finish line where we'd all spit out what our job titles were and the best and coolest sounding ones would win some sort of golden, glittering prize. I can tell right now, at the prime age of twenty-six, NO ONE CARES but you.
I remember this world religion class I took in college. While at first, I was just happy to be in a theological class that wasn’t the predominant practice of my school—I attended a religious college that wasn’t my family’s denomination; that’s a story for another time—there are a lot of fundamentals that I still lean back on nearly five years later.
I can still picture us sitting in a large lecture hall, about one hundred or so seats, waiting patiently for our professor to come in. (We’d learn later that his level of leisure was turned down so far to chill, it was lucky our class had time constraints at all.) When he finally did appear, he sort of swooped in: picture Gilderoy Lockhart, Kenneth Branagh-style. He held a beautiful Tibetian Singing Bowl in one hand, a ginormous stack of books in the other.
Scrolling through Instagram as I'm wont to do in the late evenings before bed, I stopped by one of my favorite corners of the internet. A wonderfully wild, raw corner by a lovely young woman, @katy_who. It's no surprise to her followers that she always speaks candidly and veraciously about life and its ups and downs. I found her most recent post definitely inspiring and her message stirred a thought in me.
Why is it so much easier to find the excuses than to find the reasons?
What's funny is that fifteen minutes before going outside, my brother was remarking about all the mosquito bites he had. Apparently I wanted half a dozen as well, and they were gifted to me when I headed outside to snap a few photos of the neighbor's tree and my mom's garden.
By the time the last of the evening sunlight had disappeared behind the eve of the house, I had about five bug bites and counting. But it was completely worth it to catch these delicate little blossoms before a strong gust whisked them away. Now the sun is just about gone and the clouds look like tie-dyed cotton candy stretched across the sky.
As I'm sitting here in linen shorts, literally on the floor in front of my air conditioner, I'm thinking about the new job I'll be starting next week. I'm thinking about how I get to "start over" and re-create who I want to be. However, it's as soon as I get to that line, "how I want to be," that I start wondering, why am I always trying to create something new?
I can remember when I started at the hospital, how I wanted to be cool and smart, and how I wanted to nurses to like me. That charade honestly lasted about two weeks before I started showing my true colors. I found bookworms and nature lovers, people who wanted to sing out lyrics from RENT when the clinic lobby was empty.
A few months ago, @christinalynncreative was hosting a giveaway on her lovely instagram account. Her prize? A beautifully crafted card from Papier just in time for Mother's Day. I entered her contest—because duh, what a pretty card!—seeing as the two ladies on the front seemed to resemble both me and my momma so closely. (Me with my bangs and her with a sweet smile.) To my absolute delight, I was announced as the winner! I happily accepted my prize and held it dearly to me until this morning when I gifted it to my mother.
This afternoon was a perfect day for walking around the neighborhood and photographing the flowering trees. After weeks of snow and rain, it was lovely to finally see the sun and beautiful workings of spring.
I took Louie around, both for a good walk, and to snap pictures of the trees. We're about to start a seven-day rain stretch so I knew I wanted to get out quick. I'm absolutely in love with how fast everything has grown and greened and bloomed.