self love

Allow Overwhelming Emotions Just a Moment and Nothing Longer

Allow Overwhelming Emotions Just a Moment and Nothing Longer

I remember this world religion class I took in college. While at first, I was just happy to be in a theological class that wasn’t the predominant practice of my school—I attended a religious college that wasn’t my family’s denomination; that’s a story for another time—there are a lot of fundamentals that I still lean back on nearly five years later.

I can still picture us sitting in a large lecture hall, about one hundred or so seats, waiting patiently for our professor to come in. (We’d learn later that his level of leisure was turned down so far to chill, it was lucky our class had time constraints at all.) When he finally did appear, he sort of swooped in: picture Gilderoy Lockhart, Kenneth Branagh-style. He held a beautiful Tibetian Singing Bowl in one hand, a ginormous stack of books in the other.

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Being True

Being True

As I'm sitting here in linen shorts, literally on the floor in front of my air conditioner, I'm thinking about the new job I'll be starting next week. I'm thinking about how I get to "start over" and re-create who I want to be. However, it's as soon as I get to that line, "how I want to be," that I start wondering, why am I always trying to create something new? 

I can remember when I started at the hospital, how I wanted to be cool and smart, and how I wanted to nurses to like me. That charade honestly lasted about two weeks before I started showing my true colors. I found bookworms and nature lovers, people who wanted to sing out lyrics from RENT when the clinic lobby was empty. 

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Rejuvinated and Inspired

Lately, as a few of my friends and family can attest to, I haven’t been feeling quite myself. I usually find a lot of joy in photography and being around nature, but these last few days (almost weeks) I found myself not wanting to leave the house unless going to work. The weather has been beautiful, if not a bit on the humid side, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything. It all culminated into a very not-so-good day on Thursday where, as I’m fortunate enough to have, I needed many of my friends to lift me up. One in particular was so incredibly kind to me and allowed me to talk out some of my biggest fears. My true emotions are not something that I talk about often—I  try to stay positive for myself and others—but I was in a pretty deep hole worried I wouldn’t be getting out any time soon. I’m still not comfortable with sharing extra details, but I will say that if it wasn’t for my amazing, kind, compassionate support group, I would probably still be in that hole, digging deeper.

But enough about that for now. I wanted to express my happiness about photography and generally, the positive vibes and feelings having a creative outlet can give you.

There’s an area close to our house where the river sort of banks out for a bit, a little alcove if you will, where people fish and there are ducks and geese aplenty. I took Louie for a walk down there yesterday and the quiet, the calming sense of peace, washed over me. It was nice to be out in the sun again. As it started setting and we were driving home, the last rays hit this field and I swear it glowed. I absolutely love golden hour so of course, I had to stop and snap a few (or several dozen) shots. There’s just something about the warmth of a sunset, the way it brightens the shadows and illuminates every detail that makes it my favorite part of the day.

When we finally got home I was feeling rejuvenated and at peace. Editing them brought me so much joy. Sharing them on social media and seeing other people responding just as I felt brought me happiness.

I’m so grateful that things are back where they are. I’m so blessed to have my family and friends around me. I hope you have place where you can feel safe expressing yourself in whatever way that is. I hope you too get to feeling re-inspired and alive.